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This essay (pdf) was written by a first year student in their first term. You are encouraged to read the whole essay, paying particular attention to the structure and development of argument in relation to the question. What guidance would you offer this student if they were asked to redraft this essay?


Now click here to access Supervisors' comments on this essay as notes in this document, and compare with your guidance above. Although you rarely have the opportunity to redraft at Cambridge, areas for improvement are noted here along with corresponding advice that this student could apply to their next essay. They might make a decision at the outset on the structure they will adopt for their next essay (e.g. chronological or thematic), define key terms and boundaries and relate both narrative and analysis to the question throughout.

Look for comments on your own essays that you can act upon in future. Feedback on your writing may relate to more than subject knowledge, and might have been shared during discussion rather than in note form.